i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
