My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
