so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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