An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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