Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
