At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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