Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
