Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize