do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Randomize
