I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
