Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
