Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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