He is an equal opportunity slut.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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