Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
