need another drink. this is the easiest way
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
