she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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