We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
