i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
