accomplished twins. life is a go
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
