There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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