So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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