brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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