If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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