whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
