my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
They took my balls.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
