I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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