Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
