She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
