Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
