I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
