My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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