Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
