that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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