I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
