i think i have herpe
just one?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my being single is dangerous.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No subtext here. People are naked.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
