You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
