She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
why is half of my head shaved?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
