Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
