Yo dont text me then not text me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
