Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
