I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
