I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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