When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
