So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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