She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
