Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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