Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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