Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
