it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
