If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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