Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
