Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
