I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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