I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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