dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm really busy with my period
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