my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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