Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
