Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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