There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
