Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
